Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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