There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There r osticjed everywhere
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
