how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
