How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
