i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
