Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
