I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
