I just made out with a guy for $7.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
