My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
