He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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