somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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