I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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