I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Vodka?
Forever.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
