Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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