Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
