so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
