I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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