she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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