We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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