That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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