My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
