Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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