There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize