Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
