Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
