Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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