can we get nightvision for the apartment?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
