i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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