Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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