i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
