I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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