Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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