You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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