She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
