i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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