My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm determined to sit on that face.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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