You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
