just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
