somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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