I should be sponsored by Trojan
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
