trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize