I love black thongs
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
