I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
