I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
