Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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