I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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