so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
there is glitter all over my balls
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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