My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
