Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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