This girl is more easily done than said...
nutella sex= disaster
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
