Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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