Who wears a wallet chain?!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
