Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
