Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize