Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
