Need sex. Gaining weight.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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