What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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