I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
