I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
