Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
