Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
