I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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