Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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