You can't motorboat a personality
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
did i walk over a car last night?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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