Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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