the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
