im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
