what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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