You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize