What a fucking waste of an outfit
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
