my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
