i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
