Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize