Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
