No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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