I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
