2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize