All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
