I just cut my nipple shaving
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
