Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
