Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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