I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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