do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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