Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
