I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So apparently I’m into choking now
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
