So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
