It's like God shit irony all over that family
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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