dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
