Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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