Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I love you. Go after that dick
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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