Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
