So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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