Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize