grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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