all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
