Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
