As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
