guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize