Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
