the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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