is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
