Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
