You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
