I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
