I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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