so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
