oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
