On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
