I'm gonna have a badass scar
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
