You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize