Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
