Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
